All the Kingdom is a Stage
Director- King Midas
Music Director- Red Riding Hood
Choreographer- Morphine- Rapunzel’s Fairy Godmother (Dame)
Stage Manager- Puss in Boots
Producer- Rumpelstiltskin
Lead Actress- Rapunzel/(Hairietta
Lead Actor- Charming /Balzac Billy
Supporting Actress- Cinderella /Emberetta
Supporting Actor- Francois, the Frog Prince /Alfurious Cross
Show Dame- Sam, The Woodsman /Axlandia * (Principle Boy)
Villain- Hamilton, the Pied Piper
Chorus- Snow White
The Shoemaker’s Wife
Aurora
Gretel
Hansel
Shoe Maker
Pinocchio
Tailor
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*Note about Sam, the Woodsman. This role is played by a female, playing a male, playing a female. As an actor Sam speaks in a deep male voice, as the Dame, he speaks in an exaggerated female voice.
Excerpt from All the Kingdom is a Stage
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MIDAS
Okay, listen up. We have no time to waste. We need everyone to buy in if we are going to get this show off the ground. We have curtain in five. If you aren’t on stage, you’re in the music room-
(Flute music interrupts the dialogue)
RUMPLE
What's that? I thought the flutes were gone.
MIDAS
That's strange, I recognize that song.
RED
It's the fanfare from Act one, scene three.
PUSS
The band went home, who could it be?
MIDAS
(shouts) Show yourself, we're not afraid.
(Piper enters)
PIPER
It's time your piper was now paid. (evil laugh)
(All gasp)
PIPER
Surprised to see me, eh Red?
RED
Hamilton, what are you doing here? After your little temper tantrum, you are no longer welcome here.
PIPER
Ha, you have not yet experienced the full force of my temper tantrums. Take iPad privileges away from a caffeinated toddler, and only then will you understand a mere fraction of my tantrum abilities.
CINDER
Not exactly something to be proud of.
CHARMING
He’s a loony.
RAPUNZEL
He’s Creepy.
FRANCOIS
He’s a musician.
PIPER
(angry) Silence! Laugh all you want now, but you won’t be the one who’s laughing when I laugh last at the audience’s laughter during tomorrow night’s opening. (tries to figure out what he just said) Bah! Thanks to yours truly, tomorrow night you will be facing your worst nightmare, without instrumental accompaniment. Mwa ha ha.
RED
It was you who stole all our instruments? But, why?
PIPER
You know why Little Red. Flute number one should have been mine. Can you even fathom how embarrassing it is being forced to play the slide whistle?
RUMPLE
(snickers) It has its ups and downs.
(All laugh)
PIPER
Silence!
MIDAS: How did you manage to get past the guards?
PIPER:
It was quite simple really. (Piper pulls out his flute and begins to play an Irish Jig. The whole ensemble begins to dance. After a few bars he stops playing, all stop dancing and are out of breath) Just a few moments of that was enough to overcome the guards with exhaustion. Then all it took was a bit of- (Piper begins playing a lullaby, and the ensemble begins to nod off to sleep). No, no. Not beddy bye time yet. (plays a loud shrill note, startling everyone awake)
PUSS
You’re a monster.
PIPER
It was you who unleashed the monster when you took away what was rightfully mine. Now you will all suffer for it. Opening night will be a surefire flop, and there is nothing you can do about it.
(All gasp)
MIDAS
Don’t start celebrating your victory yet, oh villainous one. We have a full day until we open, and we still have a few tricks up our sleeves. Observe.
(Puss snaps her fingers and SFX: Orchestra tuning.)
PIPER
You all think you are so clever? Well, I’m cleverererer. Go ahead; you can download all the background tracks you want. It won’t help. I still have a few of my own tricks up my own sleeve. I must be off, but I’ll be back. Be wary of my next attack. To insure you all stay horror-struck, tomorrow I wish you all… Good Luck!
(All gasp as Piper exits with a failed evil laugh)
RUMPLE
We’re doomed.
MIDAS
Not if I have anything to say about it. (raised voice) All right everyone. Listen up. We now have (looks at watch) a little more than twenty three and a half hours until we open, and at some point, I have to let you sleep, so we are quickly running out of time. I swear to you all, I will not let this show fail. Hear my voice and spread the news, we WILL open with rave reviews.